however. courtney just called to inform me that she was “so fuuuuuuckinnnn high.”

she also has promised that for my next visit she will make me coco puff cookies. chocolate cookie dough with coco puffs in the center.

thank you courtney. i look forward to them.

hopefully more to come!

1. She has a folder on her computer titled Baby Animals. I figured this must be a cover name and investigated. No really, she has a folder of pictures of baby animals that she finds on google. Seriously. But why am I surprised.

2. She had no idea what it meant to brown meat. Like, put hamburger meat in a pan and cook it until its brown. How in 20 years of life/2 years of living by yourself not know what that means.

3. In a game of Never Have I Ever she revealed to the group that she had been titted fucked. To explain she just said “What I have big boobs.”

thats all for now.

-C

The first is from a sweet boy named Grayson. Now you kinda have to hear Grayson do his Courtney voice do find this story as funny as it actually is however, i will share. Grayson was at a friends house after a party that Courtney went to. Somehow she ended up at the same house? Who knows. Either way she was running around the house SCREAMING “I lost half my miller lite, half my pack of cigarettes…and i just bought these and now my car won’t start!!!!!!!” So some random guy that was in town from a band followed her outside to help her fix her car. Turns out the reason why her car wouldn’t work is because she has about $45 in pennies stuck in her gear changer. Saving up for somethin’ special Courtney?? (if you’ve already heard this story you will realize it has been cut….dont worry about it.)

Also, it really been bugging me that EVERY time Courtney calls me she says “Hey what’ree you doin’.” And I reply with what I’m doing at that moment. And then she says “Wait whaaaat’re you doin’?”. OH MY GOD, GROW SOME EARS COURTNEY.

Oh yeah, she went to florida for a work trip and ended up drunk dialing me at 4pm. Very professional.

To all you Courtney lovers out there….you’re dumb. Read my blog more.

courtney got me a bathing suit and a purse that ive wanted for a while that is really like a back pack. we both got each other back packs for our birthdays. 

anyway. i hate courtney because she took the braid she had in her hair out and it was cripped down the side of her head so she started beat boxing and doing techo-rave ish dancing right in front of me….she was also naked because she was going to take a shower before my birthday lunch.

what a pal.

=)

Then, I called her to see if she was still there and she was…of course. I met her at her house for breakfast where i learned this information: she woke up with both for her breasts fully exposed. Nothing new. Then she gets a message from a guy that was at that party who explained that after she drank her fill and passed out our wonderful friends put sunglasses on her and had her holding a beach ball. Can’t wait to see those pictures. She also apparently had a very serious conversation with a certain gentleman we all know. Only god knows what all was said. Then she plays me the song Strawberry Wine. She begins singing to me, telling me that this is our song. I lose interest and start reading and she says “I know, I know, you are mourning the loss of your innocence.” When i look over at her, her eyes are closed and she has one hand in the air. She realizes that I’m looking at her and she says “what? I’m talking to dina.”

Oh Courtney. 

When I have a chance to a) find a picture of her with the beach ball and b) talk to our gentleman friend i will update all Courtney haters asap. But it will probably really take me a week. Also, sorry to Curtis for Courtney’s behavior at Homewood Skate Park yesterday. Really, its bad enough that a month ago she called a baby back bitch while spitting whiskey all over you…but to yell “Curtis you baby back bitch…you bitch baby back” across the park is pretty embarrassing.

-Chelsea

PS: Lauren hates Courtney for liking pandas so much. …. it is pretty dumb that this obbsession she has with the panda bear has lead her to buy a pink hoodie with harajuku style panda heads all over it.

Just now, she was talking about the TV show Chelsea Lately as if it were a show with me on a hidden camera and it is all about what I’m doing lately. God she is crazy.

I hate Courtney for getting us accused of stealing from people. That was pretty much bullshit. But whatever, not really her fault. So I guess I don’t hate her so much for that.

I think I’ve been hating everyone else so much lately that I havent had the energy to hate her for all her regular stuff. like today, I really hate the fed ex man who just choose not to show up today with my paycheck. I hate Courtney indirectly at this point because she actually opted for direct deposit whereas i …. didn’t. I hate my boyfriend because i know he is going to complain about my lack of cigarettes because of my lack of pay check. I hate urban because if the checks are lost, which they probably are, it will take 3 weeks to get new ones. 

oh wait. she did ask me what 40% of 100 was like two days ago.

there. I hate courtney because she REALLLLLY asked me that.

last night alexa told courtney to dance around in her underwear and tell them how she was.

she did. “just look at me…im hotttttttt.”

heather hates courtney for singing love in the club and wearing highwater pj pants ….. at the same time.

smoke weed with meeeeee bro!

-C

Kurtis hates Courtney because she puts her face to close to his crotch. Later he sent me another text message because she took a shot of whiskey and spit it up all over him. EW.

Austin Blanton hates Courtney simply because her legs are broke……good one Austin.

Jessica sent me a text after Courtney proclaimed to everyone that she “likes to do vaginas in the mouth.”

Yes, she really said that.

Later Brittany brought Courtney Taco Bell….or FUCKING Taco Bell if you’re Courtney. She always gets two cups of cheese and always finishes them off by dipping her finger in them and licking it off her hand. It is absolutely disgusting. And I hate her for it because not only does she do that with Taco Bell cheese but when we go out to mexican restaurants in general. She will lick her bowl of cheese dip.

I’m in a great mood today. Our friend Heather is back in Birmingham for a visit. She has known Courtney for a while, has lived with her and probably has a lot to say on the subject of hating her. Can’t wait.